Wednesday, April 03, 2013

MRI Results & Update

Well, circumstantially, the last two days didn’t go as we had all hoped and prayed. Caleb had an unusually difficult time coming out of the anesthesia this time. The doctors told us they had to increase the meds due to some movement he was having and this was the reason for the delay; however, it was still emotional to spend an entire hour and a half trying to wake Caleb up and get him to a state where we could leave the hospital. There were a few moments of fear and holding back the tears as we and the nurse did everything we could to wake him with little response. We were really relieved when all was ok.
And today we went to Oncology and received news that Caleb’s tumor unfortunately did indeed grow just slightly since his last MRI in November. We spent the next hour listening to all the details of the risks of waiting and all the details of the risks of treatment. It was intense and difficult to hear, yet by the grace of God I felt covered. In the last 48 hours and the hours leading up I have truly experienced rest in my soul. I am disappointed and sad (and I might even cry hard in my pillow tonight), but I know that this day has been ordained by my good, perfect, and loving God and somehow He is working it out for Caleb’s good, for my good, and maybe for someone else’s good. I read Psalm 139 this morning on the way to Nashville and felt it was so timely:
God knows me, Caleb, and you and is familiar with all our ways (vs.1 and 3); He discerns our every move (vs.2-3) and his right hand will guide us and hold us fast (vs.9-10). He created us and knit us together (vs.13) and we are so wonderfully made (vs.14).  All our days are ordained for us (vs.16).
It feels so good to know I can trust Him and that He is in control no matter what. My spirit can rest in the everlasting arms of the Father; I can still have joy in this world full of trouble because my Jesus has overcome this world! Isn’t it grand to trust!
I always go back to a song…singing is my way of reminding myself the promises of God  and setting my eyes on Him instead of my circumstances. The song that so many times comes to mind is this:
Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to take Him at His Word;
Just to rest upon His promise,
And to know, “Thus sayeth the Lord!”
Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er;
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
Oh, for grace to trust Him more!
I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee,
Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;
And I know that Thou art with me,
Wilt be with me to the end.
May you join me today in trusting our big God for whatever hard things we all are facing today and tomorrow- for he can do immeasurably more than all we can ask or imagine. And we will soon be with Him for all of eternity.
Throughout this six year journey God has continually encouraged and lifted our spirits through so many of you that are reading these posts. Many of you we know, but there are countless others that even though we don’t have personal friendships you have nonetheless reached out with encouragement and prayer on our behalf.
A few weeks ago we received a package from an anonymous mother full of fun items for the kids and a special note of encouragement. Thank you to this unknown person, and thank you to each of you for walking with us and being tangible expressions of Christ’s love.
We will keep you posted on the upcoming decisions to be made and would humbly ask again for prayers for wisdom and guidance.

Thank you dearly. 

Austin & Nicole