Our prayers for yesterday were answered in many ways, and we are so grateful. Caleb endured the hours without eating or drinking much better than we thought. That was a “yay, God” moment as Suzanne Rowe would call it! And we walked into the prep room for the MRI and were greeted by our favorite nurse, Michelle, who has prepped Caleb for his MRIs 99 percent of the time since he was 9 months old! She was a breath of fresh air and made us feel right at home. Also, Caleb came out of sedation with little problem which was a relief since he had some congestion which increases some risks. Blessings and prayers were felt all around yesterday, and we thank each of you for being an instrument in that.
However, Caleb’s eye appointment yesterday did not go as planned. We have had really positive reports from his doctor who has always said he would be the 1st to see signs of the tumor affecting his eyes. The testing of the diameter of his eye nerves came back, and they showed to be at the very lowest end of normal. The doctor said he sees a trend over the course of the last 4 years in the reduction of the size of Caleb’s eye nerves which is apparently due to his tumor.
This morning we saw the oncologist who confirmed this report. He also said that the MRI showed no change in the tumor or cyst in 3 months (which is good news); however, with the new report from our Opthomoloigist that his eye nerves are being affected by the tumor it is pretty clear that we can wait no longer. It is time to respond with treatment.
So, we left saying we needed a few days to process this information and would get back to him at the 1st of the week. We left a bit in shock but at the same time unshaken and here’s why:
We had an encounter with the Lord as we waited in the tiny room, floor number 6, door number 4. I had opened a book I’m reading by Marjorie Holmes called The Messiah to try to keep myself distracted while we waited. It’s the 3rd book in the trilogy Two from Galilee. I am reading about Jesus’ ministry, and I was at the part where Jesus was yet again being bombarded by people wanting to be healed by him. And it said, “Too many parents thrusting their children upon the Master, asking Him to touch them, bless them, protect them from disease.”
It hit me – an image in my mind so vivid of Austin and myself being those very parents- running to Jesus, trying desperately to get to him in the sea of people, knowing that He could heal our son if we just got the chance to get close enough…and then I had this thought, “We are doing that, Lord! I don’t have to have lived back 2000 years ago- You are the same Jesus, and I’m running to you with my boy! And the next thought that came to me was…No, Jesus you only have to say the word, and he will be healed. My boy will be healed if you just speak the word…
And then He did speak- He spoke to me in my spirit. I heard Him as clear as day- He said, “Unscathed.” Now there is a back-story to this word-He has spoken this word over us for Caleb over the years, but he said it again today. And then I began a dialog with him. I said, “Well, Lord, you see, we have a problem. We feel 99 percent sure the doctor is about to walk in here and tell us we need to treat and what are we to do about it?” And I heard him again in my spirit say, “It’s not your problem.” “It’s not your problem.”
And at that moment a song came flooding over me called “I Am” by Jenny Owens. I pulled out my phone and googled the lyrics to make sure I got them all right… and a flood of His peace and His love came gushing.
The lyrics say this:
“Now Lord, are you sure? He’s just a shepherd boy, too small for battle gear with a giant to destroy. What on earth can he do with five stones and a sling.
It’s not your problem, God replied. Cause I can do anything. There’s a bigger picture you can’t see. You don’t have to change the world, just trust in me. Cause I am your creator I am working out my plan and through you, I will show them. I am the first, I am the last. I am the present and the past. I am tomorrow and today. I am the only way…”
I can’t understand exactly what God has meant or means today when His word over Caleb is unscathed- maybe in the years to come it will be revealed, but what I can understand today is that this big huge problem- this situation that we find ourselves in so often with Caleb is NOT my problem- it’s God’s. He has a plan- He’s the creator- He can do anything and He’s working out His plan. My part is to trust Him – to give Him my problem- to rest in the shadow of His wings and in the comfort of His everlasting arms. There is a bigger picture, I can’t see, but He can! And He is trustworthy!
Another song He’s been singing over us the past 3 months is from Isaiah 43 and it says,
When you pass through the waters I will be with you. And the waves they will not overcome you. Do not fear, for I have redeemed you. I have called you by name. You are mine. For I am the Lord your God. I am the Holy One, of Israel Your Savior. I am the Lord.
I’m sharing this with you for two reasons:
1) I want to shout and proclaim His mercies! We received the hardest news to date in 8 years but we aren’t devastated, because he met us in it today. We realize we have a hard journey ahead- one we never wanted our son to walk, but He promises to be with us-we are not alone. Caleb is not alone, and it is not without purpose that we will suffer. Life is full of suffering, but for the believer it is not in vain- He will bring something good from it!
2) I’m sharing so that I will remember- that I will be able to look back and recall His faithfulness and draw strength from remembering.
Thank you all for your many prayers. We will keep you posted on exactly what’s next. We would ask that those of you who will be in contact with Caleb would be sensitive to the fact that he doesn’t know any of this new stuff yet. We would love prayers for just the right words as we move forward.
Nicole and Austin